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Fear, Anger and excitement are a few short words on how I live everyday. For a LONG time I knew that there was something off about me. I wasn’t able to control my temper, I would have horrible sleeps and random outbursts of excitement. There was a time where I really realized it was time to talk to someone and figure out what was going on, they then diagnosed me with manic bipolar disorder.
I didn’t want to believe it at first because I thought people would think I was crazy, I thought I wasn’t sane and I thought that I couldn’t live a perfectly normal life. People were mean about it, I was taunted about how angry I got, was told I was crazy many times by people I didn’t expect to hear it from and even teachers would use it against me.
The first few months after I found out that was how I identified myself because I really felt like there was nothing more worth telling anyone.
June 2015 I spoke in front of the defeating depression community and it really broke my shell and made me realize having a mental illness or mental illnesses didn’t change who I was it was just another thing I had to over come. So many people told me there stories and told me how proud they were of me but I didn’t understand why. I thought telling my story would just be showing that anyone can get through what there going through , but I didn’t realize that I would actually inspire other people or even a hundred and fifty for that matter.
My dream is to be able to speak in front of people all over the country, in front of schools and in events for mental health. mental health is something I am very passionate about and all I have ever wanted to do is help young women and men to over come what they are going through and defeat mental illnesses and to make awareness that mental illnesses now a day is a normal thing. no matter who it is, you, a family member or a friend everyone has been effected by mental illnesses in some way.
When I was fifteen years old I was at my lowest point in my life, I did self harm and I did attempt to take my own life on January 27th, 2014, but even though I struggled for as long as I can remember with a mental illness, I am on the bright side of it all, I am a healthy 17 year old who loves life and loves helping anyone I can. I am Miss teenage Halifax 2015, I am a proud aunt and daughter, I am a dancer, I am a makeup lover, I am a sister and I am so many other things besides ” bipolar” I am Hannah.
This is just some of my story, I would love to hear yours. if you are ever in need of help or just need to talk to someone do not be afraid to message me.
Miss Teenage Halifax
Hi everyone! its been a little while since I have blogged! I have been at Miss Teenage Canada all week with many lovely ladies! this has been such an amazing experience so far and this weekend is just going to make it so much more crazy and amazing.
Today we went to the bowmanville zoo! it was absolutely amazing. There was so many beautiful animals and so many friendly people and staff.
When we first arrived they walked us into a large building and sat us down around a large circle and waited for the surprise, they then walked out a baby lion and a baby tiger for us to play with. We all then got to pet them and play with them and also got to take selfies with them!
After the zoo, we then proceeded to the eaton centre to try some awesome tacos and burritos at rich tree market! they were so good! the staff was very nice and helpful! we sat and ate our tacos and then got back on the bus!
After the yummy burritos and tacos we loaded back up on the bus again and set sail to York dale mall! when we arrived a lovely lady came on the bus and explained what we were doing and gave us all a free gift!! after that we got a few minutes to look around! Thank you so much!
After that we went to mideval times for fantastic show and some great food! we were able to watch knights sword fight and do contest on there horses! unfortunately my phone died so I couldn’t take any pictures!! but I would defiantly recommend to anyone to go there!
time for bed xo!
My platform is mental illness and the effect it can have on family. I chose to speak about mental illness and for it to be my platform because it has always been a part of my life some way or another and no matter who you are you most likely know someone who suffers from a mental illness because it is everywhere.
I can think as far back as to when I was six years old when I started to be aware of what mental illnesses were, my mom had really bad depression when I was very young until I was about fourteen and she was diagnosed with cancer. Her getting her physical illness made her want to live more then just living with a mental illness. but when I found out she had cancer I believed that there was a good chance of her passing away and went into a very dark place in my life and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
I struggled with Depression and anxiety for a couple years before that but it had never been as bad as that and I could not just look pass it. just this pass April I was told I no longer needed to be on antidepressants and that I was no longer in a depressed stage in my life. But also at that time I was told I had bipolar disorder and O.C.D. No mental illness is an easy thing to live with., but it doesn’t have to be the thing that defines who you are. I constantly struggled with suicidal thoughts and even a few times I tried to give into those thoughts, but at the scariest point in my life I realized I wasn’t going to let it rule me any longer and I was going to get back into the things that I loved to do, like singing, working out and dance because they would help me forget about the emotional pain I was going through at the time, so I began to dance like I did when I was young and didn’t understand what was going on in an everyday life.
As Miss Teenage Canada I would help make people more aware of mental illnesses, I would be a role model to young women who are struggling with mental illness so they know they are not alone in the fight against themselves, because I went through it and now I am on the bright side of it all and in just 20 hours I will be on a plane on my way to nationals. You just need to know that your not alone and you will never be alone because there is always someone out there that is just like you.
December of 2012 I found out my mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (blood and bone cancer) That day I thought that I was about to lose my everything. My mom and I have been very close since I was very little, she was and still is my protector, I have always ran to her when I needed help or needed to vent. I thought that there was no possible way that anything such as this could have ever happened to my family, but it did and it was terrifying, feeling as if I was going to lose my mom I started to spend more and more time with her but it just kept getting harder and harder. When she began chemo therapy she was very sick and was always either in bed or in the hospital getting treatment.
In august of 2013 my mom was treated by doing a bone marrow transplant. during that time she was very weak and was in the hospital for three weeks. I wasn’t able to see her during this time, only two people were able to so my grandparents were the ones to be able to go and see her. I was constantly praying for the best and that’s what I’ve finally got after all of these years of worrying about her.
Today I received a call from my mom, I could hear her voice trembling and it was weak I she told me she had news for me. I honesty thought it was for the worst but then she informed me that her bone scan came back clear and that she is now in remission. Cancer is a very scary but very real thing. for me over the last five years, three of the most important people in my life have been diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother had breast cancer, my grandfather had colon cancer and my mother had multiple myeloma, and each and everyone of them is now without cancer and living there life. You never think that any thing so terrifying and horrible could happen to you or your family but it is very much real in this world, so be there for your family and appreciate what you have because one day it might not be there anymore. I love you mom so much and I will always be there for you. You are my rock.
I would like to thank the defeating depression committee for everything they have done! you all have accomplished so much and have helped save so many lives, personally if I had none about this committee when I was in a bad place you all would have helped me so much, Its a horrible place to be in and knowing there are people out there trying to help and support each other during this time is amazing. Around this time last year I was in my darkest time, and now in just two and a half weeks I will heading to nationals to compete for miss teenage Canada. Things do get better and you will see the bright side again.
Even since just this occasion just over a month and a half ago, my life has changed so much, I try to look at everything as positive as possible. I am so blessed for the people I have around me and for all of the ladies I will meet when I am at nationals.
The other night I went out with two ladies from the defeating depression committee, Susan and Angie, We had dinner and after they surprised me with a gift basket for speaking at the defeating depression walk, So I would like to thank you all so much, I would like to Thank Daryll as well even though she was not able to make it out that night!
Yesterday my best friend, boyfriend and I all went to the lake for our first swim together of the year. we had so much fun and then came back to my house after for a fire and to relax.
When we started the fire we started to cook hot dogs and I personally cooker tofu dogs because I am a vegetarian. then after that we made s’mores and roaster random vegetables, whatever we could really find we roasted. then we put some popcorn into tinfoil and waited for it to start popping over the fire.
after eating that we made a huge fort in the living room, with my sister and my nephew. We all fell asleep there after ordering more food!
I just want to say happy birthday to my sister Laura, its weird thinking your 20 and im almost 17, I love you!
I personally believe that Canada is the most beautiful country there could possibly be. Every province is so different but so a like in the same way. I was born and raised in Halifax, Nova scotia, But my father is from newfoundland and I had an awesome opportunity to visit newfoundland when I was younger, My dad now lives in Ontario and my aunts live in Calgary. I am very blessed with home much of this wonderful country I have been able to visit and see. My favourite part of living in Nova Scotia is how beautiful everything is during the fall, the beautiful colours of the leaves when they are changing colour, The smell of the crisp air in the morning and sitting out being able to enjoy all the little things with a cup of tea.
Living in a free country and being able to feel safe in your own home is more then enough to ask for, but being able to go out and enjoy yourself everyday is a blessing. All around the world there are many people who can enjoy that but also many people who can not. Being able to speak your opinion freely and do what you feel is right is even more of a blessing. truly I believe that Canada is the best country in the world to live in. You can be who you are and you can be with who you love without judgement, it is truly beautiful that Canada is so accepting with the citizens who live within this country.
Being able to have free medical care saves so many lives and having free education will help so many as well. To me it is personally amazing that people risk their own lives to fight for our freedom and to fight for what is right, And that Canada will still help other countries and support them so they will come out of it safe as well, These men and women are truly hero’s and I will always be so thankful for them and look up to them for the amazing people they are.